oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
