Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
