i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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