There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
