Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
