Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Come share oat with me in your robe
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
