You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize