no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
