Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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