Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
