I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
