I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Are we still banned from the library?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
