i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
