i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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