mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
