im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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