I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
