I saw his package. It spoke to me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
