Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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