Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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