you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
