Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
