i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
