someone get that fucking seahorse.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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