So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
