peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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