I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
