She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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