mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
