I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
