Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
