Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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