This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my poor anus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
