The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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