I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
