You made me cry and you don't even care
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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