I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he's single and there are thong briefs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
