thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
