Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
