I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
