I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
