I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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