ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
