so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
