tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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