I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
