no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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