Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
