someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
