btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
