you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
