Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
