Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
