remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
