On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
