so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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