fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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