we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
