I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
