I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
