Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
