I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
