dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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