tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
